Friday, December 11, 2020
We begin by wishing all the best to Gov. Tom Wolf, who tested positive for COVID-19 Wednesday, only to test negative on Thursday. Whatever the result, get better and stay safe and healthy, governor!
When historians look back on 2020, it is likely that they point to Dec. 10 as the day that the worst pandemic in U.S. history started its march to the exits. We realize there is a long way to go before the vaccine will be widely distributed, but we all know how you eat an elephant, right? One bite at a time.
History will also remember 12/10/2020 not just for the Food and Drug Administration’s historic announcement, but also for the fact that both Taylor Swift and Kid Cudi dropped some new tunes on us to close out the year. Sweeeeeet. If the Foo Fighters could go ahead and step up, that would be great too.
On a related note, Swift made the list of Forbes 100 Most Powerful Women. We have lodged a complaint with Forbes for its unforgiveable snub of a group of outstanding Team Triad women: Andrea Updegrove, Yvonne Roberts, Megan Dapp, Jennifer Riley, Olivia Edwards Rindfuss, Brandi Hunter-Davenport, Daena Ortenzio and Jan Webb. Do better, Forbes. 
After the U.S. Supreme Court last week decided it really didn’t want anything to do with the Pennsylvania election code, President Donald Trump pivoted to the much bigger, better, juicier, and just downright tastier Texas lawsuit, which he says will FINALLY reward him with another term in office, a new puppy and a Big Mac. If you say so, Mr. President. You’ve only been wrong about election-related lawsuits 49 out of 50 times so far. Being that wrong that often qualifies you to host your own radio talk show, but not necessarily to run the country for four more years.
Riding shotgun to the Texas lawsuit that would, if successful, overturn the results of a national presidential election, is an amicus brief filed by the congressional Freedom Caucus, a bunch of lawmakers who, in their own words, “believe in limited government, the Constitution and the rule of law.” Irony, dear readers, is now deader than the dogsh*t we stepped in this morning in the back yard.
For his part, our own U.S. Sen. Pat Toomey ain’t having any more of this nonsense, calling on Trump to stop trying to overturn the results. Toomey also called President-elect Joe Biden to congratulate him, something that is still very much verboten among many of his GOP colleagues. Toomey has been infected with what some political observers call the “I am not running again disease.” Side effects of this disease include relief, euphoria, a free tongue, and a lack of f@#ks left to give.
While countries around the world begin jabbing their citizens in the arms, the COVID-19 pandemic (obviously sensing its impending demise) has seriously ramped up its unrelenting attack across the country. As hospitals strain under the weight of the massive spike in cases, Governor Wolf essentially hit the pause button on Pennsylvania for 21 days. He is asking that we all do our part, which is to do pretty much nothing at all. Stay home and wait for the calvary to arrive.
So, in perfectly Pennsylvanian fashion, a bunch of bar, restaurant and gym owners decided they will ignore the governor’s orders because, well, they can. It is a shame Pennsylvania never got any money from the feds that could have helped these business owners close up shop and still survive. We swear there was $1.3 billion laying around here somewhere just recently. Maybe it is over on our dresser next to the car keys.
Speaking of that $1.3 billion, the state’s nursing home industry thinks it was owed a chunk of that loot (around $153 million), and it is suing the Wolf administration to get it. Interesting tactic, for sure. The one thing we were really lacking around these parts is a good lawsuit, Lord knows.
Congress is still wrestling around with another COVID stimulus plan like it has all the time in the world. Hey folks, the pandemic is out of control, people are dying, millions are unemployed, and businesses are closing. You wanna light a fire under it down there? Do we have to turn this damned car around?
This just in: Mrs. Claus has tested positive for COVID-19. Is that enough of an incentive for you, McConnell and Pelosi, or do we have to take down the Easter Bunny too?
Pennsylvania Lt. Gov. and weed legalization advocate John Fetterman is still flying his marijuana leaf flag off the balcony of his office, despite the General Assembly actually putting pen to paper and passing a law prohibiting him from doing so. The anti-flag provision (which may have been named after Pittsburgh punk rock legends of the same name) was tucked into the state’s Fiscal Code, which means that any minute now, the Fiscal Police are gonna pay Fetterman a little visit.
Philadelphia City Council wrapped up its 2020 business with a flurry of activity this week on everything from tax abatements to affordable housing. We have a rundown of the action here, but as usual, if you want the story BEHIND the story, hit us up and we will introduce you to Yvonne Roberts. She has forgotten more about Philly than you will probably ever know. She accurately predicted the whole Jalen Hurts/Carson Wentz thing on our staff call last Monday.
And if you were wondering what next year’s legislative agenda might look like, check out the musings of our own Mike Manzo, who has once again proven that if you stare at something long enough, you eventually figure it out.
Mike led off his insights with the upcoming battle over transportation funding, which seems to be on target if you listen to what our PennDOT secretary had to say to our friends at PSATS.
In our Shameless Client Plug this week, we give a big shout-out to Wakefern for being named the northeast’s best wholesaler! Nice job, Team Wakefern!
And make sure to stop by and say goodbye to Triad’s fabulous Intern Number 2, Aaron Danks.
In our We Can’t Make This Up segment this week, we take you to China, where for hundreds of years, a small village’s inhabitants have been practicing something called Iron Crotch Kung Fu. In a nutshell, this sport entails having an 88-pound, steel-capped log swing through the air and smash into your junk. There is a reason this sport is not televised.
That’s what passes for news around here as we prepare for (we hope) the beginning of the end of serious mitigation measures. Until next week, from all of us at Team Triad, stay safe and stay well!