Friday, March 5, 2021
The U.S economy added just shy of 380,000 jobs last month, showing that the post-COVID economic recovery is proceeding, albeit slowly. Forget stimulus bills or tax policy, we have reached the point where our economy is completely tethered to those vaccine vials.
Barely a month into the Biden administration, in which the Democrats hold the White House, House and Senate, we have reached the point where Democrats are fiercely negotiating with Democrats to shrink the stimulus bill because… well, Democrats. This is why we can’t have nice things, people.
Word out of Mar-a-Lago is that former President Trump, should he run again in 2024, will be doing so without Mike Pence as his veep. Man, what does that guy have to do to prove his loyalty? Actually allow himself to be hanged by an angry mob?
The Q-Anon Shaman (who we shall not name because he’s an idiot) apparently has a case of the sads because President Trump has not called him or visited him in prison. Hey babycakes, stop holding your breath. Or better yet, keep holding it for as long as you can.
Pennsylvania leads the nation in number of citizens arrested at the U.S. Capitol riot on Jan. 6. Ah, the birthplace of liberty! To recap, we lead the nation in tons of trash we import from other states each year and the number of fools we exported to Washington, D.C. in January.
The pandemic has had a negative effect on birth rates in the U.S, with a 300,000-baby bust now being predicted. Scientists are confounded by this phenomenon, as they expected married couples being quarantined together for a year would generate many more babies. Quarantined couples replied, “Why don’t you scientists shut the hell up and mind your own business?” Coincidentally, divorce rates are up…
If you’ve been on social media or watched television this week, you have likely been inundated by the “COVID-19 is a year old!” stories. Yeah, we know. There is no need to force us to watch this particular horror move all over again. We are sure there are better things for our fragile states of mind right now than spending a week being asked, “Hey, do you remember where you were when the entire world shut down and a half million Americans died??? Let’s all reminisce!”
It would seem that Texas and Mississippi have also decided to dispense with the one-year-later retrospectives and just plow forward, repeal their mask mandates and throw open the gates. Hey, someone has to go first, right? Texans can probably use a bit of good news at the moment, it was a rough February down there.
Around here we choose to look ahead too, and there seems to be good news on that front as Johnson & Johnson vaccines are heading our way. Team Wolf announced that all J&J vaccines will go toward vaccinating teachers and school staff so that the wee ones might have somewhat of a normal final two months of school.
On the heels of that announcement came the State Troopers’ union, which said, “Wait! Us, too!” and asked to be bumped up the vaccine queue. Oh, and here come the grocery store workers! Oh hey, corrections officers, didn’t see you there! Now that every essential worker, their mothers and their unions have asked to be prioritized, here is your weekly reminder that WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH VACCINES YET.
You know who hasn’t gotten vaccinated yet? Governor Wolf. Yeah, the guy who is in charge of the Commonwealth and is recovering from both cancer and COVID doesn’t have the vaccine yet because he doesn’t want people to think he’s a line-jumper. That is vintage Tom Wolf right there. We would also be remiss if we didn’t mention that House Majority Leader Kerry Benninghoff wants all healthy PA elected officials pushed to the back of the line.
This week Governor Wolf signed a bipartisan bill that would allow the National Guard in Pennsylvania to help with vaccine distribution. Get out of the way people, it’s about to get real, and real efficient, up in here.
Philadelphia and some surrounding municipalities have decided they really want to be able to ban plastic bags, and they want the state to stay the hell out of their business. If there was any doubt the General Assembly was going to allow those local ordinances to take effect this year, you can stop guessing. Lawmakers hate being sued.
State lawmakers are again taking a crack at redistricting reform, this time forgoing the whole “blow it up and start over” model and instead, focusing on bringing more transparency to the process. We would argue that this has always been the solution. Making maps public all along the continuum will, in the age of social media, make it darned near impossible to pull shenanigans without repercussions. Coincidentally, Shenanigans Without Repercussions is also the title of a new album by Triad’s own in-house guitarist, Asa Saidman.
We pause here to note that President Biden’s budget director nominee, Neera Tanden, this week became the first-ever would-be cabinet official who was sunk by a Twitter account. Before anyone goes all “But Trump’s Twitter account was worse!” consider that his account has been permanently suspended.
Pollsters have released the first rating on the 2022 PA governor’s race and have listed it as a tossup, which is a remarkably gutsy call in a reliably purple state. Really folks, a tossup? What is your next bold prediction, that April might follow March?
Out in Hershey, a new company is preparing to potentially upend the gig economy by delivering food at no cost to either the restaurant or customer. The cost will be picked up (theoretically) by selling advertisements on the Sweet Rides Tesla that will be delivering your food. At Triad, we LOVE market disruptors!
Over on the Triad socials this week, catch up with our own Brandi Hunter-Davenport as she helped us close out Black History month by sharing her journey at two HBCUs.
In our We Can’t Make This Up segment, we take you down to Sweet Home Alabama, where a woman is facing a felony charge after stealing her neighbor’s goat and painting it. In totally unrelated news, the woman also stole her neighbor’s weed and moonshine hours before she lifted and painted the goat.
That’s what passes for news around here as spring appears in the windshield, at least until Pennsylvania’s annual “Break Your Heart” snow, which will fall in a few weeks like clockwork. Sorry, informing the public is what we do. From all your friends at Team Triad, have a great weekend!