August 19, 2022

The Centers for Disease Control this week announced a comprehensive agency overhaul, which, given how they have communicated with the public for the past three years, is about four years too late. But hey, everyone needs some self-reflection, right?

President Joe Biden sealed his re-election as the wholesale price of chicken wings dropped below pre-pandemic levels two weeks before the start of the NFL season. Dark Brandon is at it again, apparently.

For those who may not have closely followed what Andrew Yang and his gang are up to, the former presidential candidate has launched a third political party called Forward. Yang’s belief is that Americans are fed up with both major parties and ready for a change. Reached for comment, the American people responded, “Yeah, we would like a third party, but not a third party with that dude involved.”

Pennsylvania’s high-stakes U.S. Senate race has been quite the goldmine for social media, with this week’s dustup causing many Pennsylvanians to spend time trying to figure out what crudité might be.  You know the old song, “tomato, tomahto, crudité, veggie tray, let’s call the whole thing off.” No, really, maybe we should just call the whole thing off.

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is campaigning for PA gubernatorial hopeful Doug Mastriano today.  Mastriano said earlier his goal was to make Pennsylvania the Florida of the north. Sounds alright, but can we be more like the Gulf of Mexico side and not the Jacksonville side?

Not to be outdone, the Democrats will welcome Joe Biden to Wilkes-Barre next week, where he will talk about the recent Inflation Reduction Act, as well as remind everyone that he is from Scranton.

Speaking of that IRA legislation, Biden signed it into law this week, and given how keenly focused the nation is on inflation, the Democrats had better hope it lives up to the moniker. If you pass the “Everyone Gets Free Bananas Act,” there better be some Chiquitas at our door soon thereafter. Americans are not famous for having patience.

Biden and Congress are also taking strides to stop a potential nationwide rail strike, and for all of our sakes, they had better succeed. If you think the supply chain is shaky now, try removing trains from the puzzle.

Mastriano unveiled his education plan, which calls for state dollars to follow the child and not go to the school district they live in, per se. There are lawmakers who have been floating this plan for a while in Harrisburg, and if you think the fight over the Fair Funding Formula was big, wait until this baby hits the table.

Congresswoman Liz Cheney got booted from her seat by Wyoming primary voters, losing by roughly a jillion points just two years after winning by a jillion. Historians will spend decades trying to figure out why, we are sure. Nobody saw that one coming!

A sobering report this week predicted that five billion people would starve to death in the aftermath of a U.S./Russia nuclear war. Factor in the billions who would be killed by the actual weapons, and you have a Thanos event on your hands. Maybe we shouldn’t do that.

After two years of COVID challenges, Pennsylvania’s county fairs are roaring back to life (it is not easy transitioning from nuclear holocaust to county fairs, trust us.) Anyway, meats on sticks, babies! These fairs are part of our fabric here in the Keystone State, so much so that everyone in western Pennsylvania who knows the band, The Clarks, has at one point or another, gone to the Fayette County Fair just to yell the name.

Philadelphia is sitting on a rather healthy $492 million cash balance, which sounds like kinda good news, right? WRONG! The news was greeted by half the city’s officials who said government should have spent more of it and half who said they should have cut taxes by a larger amount. Half full, half empty, all Philly.

Do you like driving off-road vehicles all over God’s green earth? Well Pennsylvania is the place for you! The state is making more land available to off-road enthusiasts, so go get that ATV you’ve been dreaming of!

The state’s county commissioners association voted down a measure to urge the repeal of “no-excuse” mail-in voting in Pennsylvania. Mail-in voting has literally become the Rasputin of partisan politics in this fine Commonwealth. People have now tried to kill it more times than villains have tried to kill James Bond.

In other election news, Dominion Voting Systems is tossing a few subpoenas around in Pennsylvania.  You might remember Dominion as the machine company controlled by Hugo Chavez and the Italian mafia who… KIDDING! PLEASE DO NOT SUE US!

Our Shameless Clint Plug this week goes out to World Affairs Council Philadelphia as it announced a merger with Citizen Diplomacy International. Congrats to everyone who made that happen!

Elsewhere on the Triad socials, be sure to check out our own Brandi Hunter-Davenport and Mike Manzo as they chat about the recently enacted state budget and the fall elections.

In our We Can’t Make This Up segment this week, we give you the most glorious children’s contest ever.  No, not the Little League World Series (which is a close second.) People, feast your eyes on the U.S.A. Mullet Championships! Trust us, you wanna see these pictures! And while we adults will revel in making our kids look like mini-Joe Dirts, these kids are gonna be PISSED when they grow up!

That’s what passes for news around here as we plod along, waiting for the General Assembly to come back and inject some much-needed chaos into our existence. Until then, from all of us at Team Triad, have a great weekend!