October 7, 2022
We usually lead off our Fabulous Friday Festivities (Triad alliteration alert!) with the top news of the week, but today we must open the show by sharing our Triad Annual Impact Report and a few words from our own fearless leader, Roy Wells. We are immensely proud of the voices we elevated throughout the year, so check it out!
The big news on the federal front this week was the announcement by President Joe Biden that the feds will pardon anyone serving time for simple marijuana possession and pledging to decriminalize weed possession moving forward. In addition to making a LOT of people very pleased, he also inadvertently spawned about 15,000 “Dank Brandon” memes on social media. Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson are both unconscious as of this hour.
Job creation numbers beat expectations for the previous month, even as unemployment applications ticked up slightly. This was probably a relief for the Democrats as they head into the final 30 days before the campaign BUT…
At the same time, OPEC Plus (which is like regular OPEC but with slightly more octane) announced it has decided to slash two million barrels of oil PER DAY from the global supply. Now it has been a few years since we toiled though a college economics class, but we are pretty sure that thing about supply and demand is still a thing. And since gas prices rise fifty times faster than they fall, well, you get the idea.
With a month left to go in the campaign season (mercifully), the venerable Cook Report has moved the Oz/Fetterman race back to a toss-up. So hoooooo doggies we have us a fight! Now, if this were an actual toss-up like in the NBA, Fetterman wins that all day long since he’s like, seven feet tall.
Over in the race for chief executive of our fine commonwealth, it is not exactly a toss-up, according to most polls. Team Mastriano is looking to turn the tide this week as they air their very first TV ad of the campaign. Pushing all the chips to the middle, let’s see that river card!
Elon Musk is back in the news. After dispensing his vapid nonsense about the war in Ukraine, Musk is trying to buy Twitter again. It is expected that due to this announcement, Musk will officially pass Kim Kardashian as the Most Annoying Human on the Planet. Kanye will obviously protest this at the award show.
It was a good year for the gaming industry as it emerged from the pandemic, reporting $3.3 billion in revenue for the fiscal year. But before anyone goes banana pants about allowing slot machines at every licensed establishment in the state, keep one thing in mind: the casino industry is taxed at an effective rate of FIFTY-SIX PER CENT! Go ahead and tell us about another industry in the state with that tax rate. We’ll wait.
Meanwhile, the state’s Liquor Control Board sold an eye-popping and eye reddening $3 billion worth of booze. So, much like casinos, when they do better the state’s fiscal picture does better, too. It’s science, people.
Enrollment at the State System of Higher Education keeps falling, we learned this week, despite consolidation efforts, a snazzy paint job and a new transmission. Combine these numbers with a teacher shortage and the future of higher education is a little shaky right about now. There might be something to this newfangled online learning stuff. Maybe the University of Phoenix was ahead of its time.
As Covid aid trickles to an end across the nation, homelessness has begun to increase, especially here in Pennsylvania. Now, is this topic as sexy to voters as debates over climate change, crime, or reproductive rights? Probably not, but none of those things really mean much to millions of people who have no home. Maybe a little debate about policies to combat homelessness, anyone? No? Bueller?
Like so many other counties, Berks has begun to test its voting machines before the November madness begins. Thus far, only three machines have been found to be connected via satellite to the Italian government. Seriously though, our favorite part of the stolen election saga was somehow thinking Italy was behind it. They have a new prime minister every six days. Their government is about as stable as uranium, not sure they have the wherewithal (or you know, a reason) to steal an American election.
Pennsylvania Supreme Court Chief Justice Max Baer was laid to rest this week, with justice Debra Todd Newman ascending to that role, the first-ever woman to do so in Pennsylvania. Prayers to the family and friends of Judge Baer and best of luck to Chief Justice Newman, and also, Hail to Pitt, Judge Newman.
Team Triad was busier than all get-out this week (whatever the hell that means). First up, we hosted some valued friends and clients at the annual Pennsylvania Chamber dinner!
Then, four of our rock stars (Olivia, Sarah, Savannah, and Noah) attended a Leadership Conference confirming that they are, in fact, emerging leaders which is why we very smartly hired them in the first place!
And then to wrap up the Triad Trifecta (more of that alliteration), Doug and Brandi hosted a little reunion of colleagues from years past. Strolling down memory lane is always fun!
We cannot let this Friday slide by without congratulating the Phillies for making the MLB postseason, breaking an eleven-year drought. On the left side of the state, congratulations to the Pirates for ending their 100-loss season without accidentally setting PNC Park on fire or falling into the Allegheny River.
In our We Can’t Make This Up segment this week we take you to California, where the state announced this week it is decriminalizing jaywalking. See? People have been criticizing Biden all week for decriminalizing weed and asking, “what comes next”? Will it be heroin, cocaine, assault weapons (wait, those are already legal)? Nope. Jaywalking. L.A. is gonna be complete anarchy soon with stoners wandering down the streets, impervious to streetlights. IS THIS THE WORLD WE WANNA RAISE OUR CHILDREN IN??
That’s what passes for news around here as we continue to question what that bright, yellow orb is in the sky. From all your friends at Team Triad, have a great weekend!