May 20, 2022

So yeah, Monkeypox. Sounds completely innocuous, and we are sure there is nothing at all to worry about. Also, maybe don’t watch the movie “28 Days Later.”

Russia’s war in the Ukraine is apparently going so swimmingly that Finland and Sweden now wish to join NATO, like, yesterday. Bravo, Vlad. Masterful planning you did there.

If you’ve been paying attention to the latest Biden administration headache, you might be keenly aware that there is now a nationwide shortage of baby formula, which was no doubt accelerated when the nation’s news outlets reported that was a shortage of baby formula (see: paper, toilet – 2020). Never fear, young mothers and fathers. Yesterday, the president authorized use of the Defense Production Act to boost formula production. Baby formula is way more complex today than in the 60s, when moms just mixed up some whole milk, some creamed corn, a little Pepsi and a few stray cigarette ashes.

Pennsylvania voters shlepped to the polls on Tuesday to select the slate of fall combatants, and what a wild ride it was! In fact, one of the marquee races isn’t even over yet! Dr. Mehmet Oz and Dave McCormick are locked in a virtual dead heat for the U.S. Senate GOP nomination, and the race will come down to outstanding mail-in ballots. The irony of two men who decried mail-in ballots now counting on them for survival is almost too rich to type. God is alive, and she has a wonderful sense of humor.  

The winner of that race will face Lt. Gov. John Fetterman, who despite finishing the race from a hospital bed recovering from a stroke (get well soon, sir!), trounced his opposition on his way to carrying every, single, Pennsylvania county. Hey, remember when Governor Wolf tasked Fetterman with a marijuana listening tour, and Fetterman responded by visiting and having a public hearing in every county in the state? Bet you all remember that now!

Despite being outspent by millions of dollars, state Sen. Doug Mastriano opened up A CAN on the GOP field for governor, far outpacing expectations. Hey, you know what is a fun game? When conventional wisdom dismisses somebody as “unelectable” and they turn into a juggernaut. His rival, unopposed, undefeated and unchallenged Attorney General Josh Shapiro, will not underestimate Mastriano, you can take that one to the bank.

The race for shotgun riders to Mastriano and Shapiro was all Allegheny County, all night. On the GOP side, first-term state Rep. Carrie DelRosso ran away from a crowded field to capture the nod. While slightly north of her, state Rep. Austin Davis was besting his fellow Democrat, Rep. Brian Sims, by a healthy margin. 

The story of the night in the General Assembly seemed to be that the currently very pissed-off electorate was in no mood to even wait until November to start throwing people back into the private sector. A full 12 incumbents will not have a chance to defend their seats this fall, and if you believe that right track/wrong track numbers mean something, brace yourself for a November to Remember. 

Oh yeah, and gas prices will probably be hitting $5/gallon by summer, so add that swift kick to the ball bearings to the general churlishness of the electorate. You’re welcome. 

Traffic death were up by an alarming 9% in 2021, which seems like a pretty big leap until you remember how many cars were parked in the driveway for a big chunk of 2020. Even taking that into consideration, we would simply ask that people stop with the road rage crap, already. GETTING TO WALGREENS TWO MINUTES EARLIER IS NOT WORTH KILLING US OVER, KEVIN! 

Opponents of bridge tolling were handed two victories this week, as the courts put a hold on PennDOT’s plan, while Democratic gubernatorial nominee Josh Shapiro announced that he ain’t down with the tolls, either. That should put the idea pretty much permanently on ice. So, now back to the question: who’s paying for bridge repairs? Bueller? Bueller?  

There seems to be a growing movement of folks in Philly who would like to see the Interstate 95 widening project scrapped and replaced with a plan to get I-95 out of the city altogether, reconnecting the waterfront to development. Interesting thought, and although we are not civil engineers, we are envisioning a six-lane tunnel, buried under the ocean, connecting Boston, New York, Philly and D.C.  Who is with us??? Congress prints money for crazy sh*t all the time, let’s aim big! 

Erie will be the starting and ending point for an upcoming 14,500-mile motorcycle charity run, benefitting the families of veterans. If ya’ll have a bike and wanna help out a great cause, head up to Erie, which was also named the best summer destination in Pennsylvania by somebody or another. 

We at Team Triad mourn the death of former state senator and Pittsburgh legend, Jim Ferlo.  There were few people who ever walked the halls of Harrisburg who were more passionate about fighting against injustice. Godspeed, Jimmy. 

We send out our hearty congratulations to Rochelle “Chellie” Cameron, the new president and CEO of the Chamber of Commerce for Greater Philadelphia. Best of luck!

In our We Can’t Make This Up segment, we are back to the beloved, time-honored tradition of… making fun of #FloridaMan. This week, our hero was arrested after calling 911 three times to demand that the police arrest Joe Biden and then free El Chapo (we are not sure if they are connected in any way). Florida Man ended up in jail, and the police say they suspect alcohol was involved. We have our suspicion that meth may have been on that menu as well.

That’s what passes for news around here as the General Election slate is set (well, barring independents getting on the ballot this summer). The General Assembly is returning, and it is officially a sprint to the state budget deadline. Can you handle all this drama??? Can you??? Well, we can, WE WERE BUILT FOR THIS! From all your friends at Team Triad, have a great weekend!