Friday, August 14, 2020
Joe Biden did this week what many have been expecting him to do for the past two months, and that is select California U.S. Sen. Kamala Harris as his running mate. So now that the teams are set, it is an 80- day run to the finish line. What was unexpected however, is how quickly conservative talk shows questioned Harris’ heritage and whether or not she was an anchor baby and therefore somehow unable to serve as POTUS should the need arise. Oh wait, the second question was actually posed by the president, not the conservative media. Note to Harris: have your birth certificate handy.
President Trump this week signaled that he might give his nomination acceptance speech from Gettysburg National Battlefield. Governor Wolf, in response, said he hoped the president understands and will abide by his ban on outdoor gatherings exceeding 250 people. We don’t know what Trump’s response was to that request, but it is probably unprintable anyway. You really can’t tell the commander-in-chief he can’t go to an old battlefield.
Due to changing state laws across the nation, a full three-quarters of American voters will now be eligible to mail their November ballots instead of voting in person. Now, whether the USPS can get that task done or not is still very much up in the air.
It was in the year 2020 that, in addition to a global pandemic, the emergence of murder hornets, and an outright admission by the military that UFOs do exist, the United States Postal Service somehow become a controversial and highly politicized outfit. -- History books in 2040, probably.
Fed up with congressional inaction on extending unemployment benefits for Americans who are jobless due to COVID-19, President Trump unveiled his plan, which may or may not be constitutional, but will definitely cost states money, which is something most states do not have. We give him an “A” for effort here since congressional leaders can’t seem to negotiate their way out of a wet paper bag.
For more on what the major sticking points to a new stimulus package are, you can read about it here or you can just beat yourself on the forehead with a tack hammer. The results will be roughly the same.
The Big Ten this week pulled the plug on fall sports, which means for the first time in more than a century there will be no cries of “We are!” echoing across Happy Valley on fall Saturdays. And if you think this decision was tough for Penn State, think about the businesses all over central Pennsylvania that rely heavily on football weekends to even survive. We have news for ya; State College doesn’t need 20 hotels if there are no Nittany Lion sports.
The president and other congressional leaders, however, pushed hard for college football to be played, and at least one conference, the powerful SEC, signaled it may do so. These schools are largely located in the deep south, where we all know they have the coronavirus COMPLETELY under control.
If you were tempted to believe that Governor Wolf might soon ease his current restrictions on bars and restaurants, you would be incorrect. With coronavirus cases in Pennsylvania still spiking, Wolf says all mitigation efforts will stay in place so that the wee ones can get back to some semblance of schooling. Bars stay all-but-closed so kids can go to school safely. Got that?
Meanwhile the PIAA is not yet giving up the ghost and will again meet with the governor’s team today to talk about fall sports. The tenacity of the PIAA is impressive, no matter where you stand on the issue. We were a little mystified, however, at its current rationale that “kids will play sports anyway, so they might as well do it under the PIAA banner.” This explains why alcohol is now legal for anyone over the age of 12 as long as they drink in their parents’ garages.
The state’s transportation wizards have adopted the latest 12-year plan, calling for upwards of $68 billion in investments in roads, bridges, ports, transit and airports. These plans are like your Christmas list as a child. There is no limit until mommy and daddy look at the credit card balance. In Pennsylvania, the Mastercard is damned near maxed out already.
After big spikes in May and June, meat prices have finally started to decline as supply chains stabilized. The only meat products to continue to rise in price were hot dogs, which no doubt caused a minor panic in Governor Wolf’s household, as the state’s chief executive is also the state’s biggest hot dog enthusiast. If you are looking to pick a fight, give the governor your opinion on whether a hot dog is a sandwich.
If someone calls, e-mail or texts you in the coming days asking for your credit card or other personal information so they can “contact trace” you or a loved one, it is a scam. Once again, con artists in this country have proven that there are no depths they cannot descend to in order to steal your money, including preying on the elderly during a pandemic. These people should be chained in a sewer and forced to listen to congressional leaders negotiate on an endless loop.
Supporters of the proposed community college in Erie are gonna have to wait just a bit longer to put shovels in the dirt, as the state Senate’s top leader filed a lawsuit this week over the state Board of Education’s decision to allow the school to open. Maybe by the time this thing gets off the ground, kids will actually be allowed inside buildings without protective gear. Or maybe they will all just stay online, which they can do right now at a regional community college established with the help of that same Senate leader. Y’all catching the irony here?
As longtime readers are aware, we often use this space for Shameless Client Plugs. We realized, however, that we don’t always know about some of the fabulous thing our clients do despite our best efforts. So, we are inviting all of our clients to submit stories each week and we will pick a lucky winner! E-mail your submission to the amazing and talented Jan Webb at firstname.lastname@example.org!
In our We Can’t Make This Up segment this week, we take you to northern New Jersey, where authorities spent the better part of a day trying to capture a four-foot emu, which was roaming the streets. This is what happens when you let birds sell insurance, people.
That’s what passes for news round here on yet another 90-degree day in central Pennsylvania! Come back next week when it will still be stifling outside, but your news will be as cool as the other side of the pillow. From all your friends at Team Triad, have a great weekend!