August 26, 2022
Easily the political story of the week was President Biden’s announcement that he is canceling some student debt, which for some reason made a lot of people bananapants-level crazy with rage. But the hidden gem was the subset of progressives who bemoaned the fact that loan forgiveness does not “address the underlying problem of high tuition.” That is correct, but if you are waiting for a solution to that particular problem, we will see you in the nursing home when we get there.
And while our political discourse in this country continues to spiral into the latrine, we should probably note that the single biggest political issue in Finland right now is that their prime minister, Sanna Marin, spends too much time dancing at parties, which is the entire basis for the film, “Footloose.”
Donald Trump is seeking the appointment of a special master to oversee the ongoing kerfuffle down at Mar-a-Lago. While we are not sure exactly what to make of the request, we do know that the term “special master” seems kind of awesome. What do you do for a living? I am a SPECIAL MASTER! KNEEL BEFORE ME!
Trump is set to come back to Pennsylvania over Labor Day to rally the GOP faithful for Dr. Oz and Doug Mastriano. As of this writing, the Oz campaign is saying its candidate might have COVID that day and therefor might not be able to attend.
For some mysterious reason, there is a nationwide surge this summer in the number of women registering to vote, including right here in Pennsylvania. Again, if anyone can explain this phenomenon, we are all ears.
The Pennsylvania Supreme Court announced it will end a 20-year rule that prohibits venue-shopping in medical malpractice lawsuits, something critics of the practice claim drives up jury monetary verdicts. Before you yawn and ask what’s for dinner, we are gonna go ahead and predict this issue will be coming hard, loud, and fast to a General Assembly near you. Many of us were still young when the gas fire that was the debate around medical malpractice last occurred.
Moving from rhetorical gas fires to real ones, a new report came out this week showing the protective firefighting gear may be cancerous, which renders it somewhat less protective, to be blunt. If anyone was looking for a real honest-to-goodness problem for government to step in and help solve, start here.
Dr. Oz is starting to chafe a bit at John Fetterman’s absence from the debate schedule this fall. We have no idea why a man who spent three decades on television would be so eager to go on television, but be that as it may, Team Fetterman is gonna have to call or fold on that one soon. Summer’s almost over.
Meanwhile, Fetterman and Josh Shapiro continue to hold polling leads in their respective races for U.S. Senate and the governor’s office, although at least one poll showed the race tightening. This is your reminder that Pennsylvania is a purple state, and ain’t no one winning any race by double digits up in here.
And here at the end of August do we get word that the Pennsylvania primary elections are now official after the courts told several counties to count undated mail-in ballots. So, in short, our primaries that happened in May are now done just three months before the generals. Chances the General Assembly clarifies the election rules before then? We are gonna go with slim and none, and slim just grabbed his hat and headed to the door.
We pause for a moment to share a video of Pittsburgh Pirates prodigy Oneil Cruz, who this week shattered a Statcast record by hitting a ball 122.4 mph. On the exceedingly rare occasions that Cruz actually makes contact with the ball, here’s our advice: don’t try to catch it.
Back to business. Seniors in Pennsylvania will be getting a bonus property tax/rent rebate check, thanks to this year’s state budget. Once again, we are giving our hard-earned tax dollars to a bunch of lazy, entitled… oops, wrong government-spending debate. Carry on.
The Department of Health, which guards any data about the state’s medical marijuana program like it’s the nuclear codes, was ordered to share the number of cannabis patients who use the product for their opioid addictions. This data might be very instructive for a future debate on, you know, other cannabis-related legislation.
Word hit today that Penn State will consider allowing alcohol to be sold at Beaver Stadium. Considering the sixty-five million gallons consumed in the parking lot before each football game, this shouldn’t be all that controversial of an idea.
The number of farms in Pennsylvania continues to shrink, while the size of the remaining ones continues to grow apace. If you enjoy food as much as we do, these numbers should cause a bit of concern. Maybe we need a John Mellencamp/Willie Nelson Farm-Aid concert. We hear Willie knows his way around agriculture.
Our Shameless Client Plug goes out to Rivers Casino, where this week a couple lucky yinzers walked out the door with a cool $1.2 million from a poker tournament. There was much IC Light consumed.
In our We Can’t Make This Up segment, we report that Belle Isle, Michigan, has zero chill. Check out the metal death slide they are sending kids careening down. Whose idea was it to construct this monstrosity? At least roller coasters don’t toss you out in midair to land on your nugget!
That’s what passes for news around here on this sultry Friday by the once-mighty, now-trickling Susquehanna. We hope you enjoyed our time together, and please remember to tip the staff on the way out. Until next week, from all of us at Team Triad, have a great weekend!