July 29, 2022
We begin this week with some major, MAJOR, breaking news: Will Smith has apologized to Chris Rock. We repeat: Will Smith has apologized to Chris Rock. Just when you think nothing can shock you…
WWE’s WrestleMania will be coming to Philadelphia in 2024, which is not as big a deal as the World Cup, but still a major boost for the city. WrestleMania still draws fans from all over the country in numbers that would astound most people who do not follow the WWE.
That takes care of the sports and entertainment segment of our report, so next up, we… wait, what’s that? Our valued partner, Pocono Raceway, packed the stands and sold out the infield for its Cup Series race last weekend under gorgeous skies? OK, NOW we are done with the sports and entertainment segment! Great job by the team at Pocono!
The nation’s economy is teetering on the brink of a recession, we learned this week. The GDP contracted slightly for the second straight quarter, even while consumer spending went up, and 400,000 jobs were created in June. We think this particular economy has been knocking back some three martini lunches, quite frankly. Seems to be a hair inebriated. And just a note to the White House spin doctors: we know what you are trying to do, but 70% of the nation already thinks we are in a recession, so maybe don’t waste a lot of time telling us that we are not. Perception = reality, people.
Congress shook off some rust and roared into action, passing historic legislation to jump-start semiconductor manufacturing here at home. We finally took this long-needed step only after we figured out that China makes pretty much all of them currently, and right now, relying on China isn’t the savviest of ideas.
And astoundingly, West Virginia Sen. Joe Manchin finally jumped off the sidelines and joined his team in crafting a major inflation/health care/climate change bill that, if passed, will be one of the most significant pieces of legislation in recent memory. Manchin is officially back on the Biden Christmas card list. In any case, our Congress did a whole lot of Congressing this week.
Russia this week announced that it will withdraw its gold-level membership in the International Space Station Club because, apparently, the Kremlin is still pissed that the entire world didn’t send them fruit baskets and vodka when they invaded Ukraine. Russia will construct its own space station which we are SURE will be really, really well-built, safe, and strong. Like the Chernobyl plant was, for instance.
The CDC announced this week that having two booster shots can be a highly effective barrier against the new COVID strain. Three would make you damned near invincible, while four boosters will enable you to lift Thor’s hammer and destroy entire cities.
CNBC this week put Pennsylvania in the top 20 states for business to, you know, do business in. This is despite the claims of some would-be elected officials that our Commonwealth is a business-hostile hellhole of taxes, regulations and red tape. It is always fun to see people run for office by telling you how bad everything sucks, and how only they can change it.
There are now 114 confirmed cases of monkeypox in the Commonwealth, which means all businesses will be closed within the week and schools will be virtual this fall. KIDDING, PEOPLE! We hope, anyway. monkeypox, however, is further proof that monkeys haven’t had any meaningful positive contributions to society since that one orangutan who played Clyde in Clint Eastwood’s “Every Which Way but Loose.” He was a hoot.
A Commonwealth Court judge is expected to rule shortly on a landmark lawsuit alleging that Pennsylvania does not meet its Constitutional obligation to funding public education fairly. Pay close attention here, this is a potential bombshell that will make the fight over charter school regulations look like two kids slap-fighting in the schoolyard. The state could very well end up holding the bag here, and by holding the bag, we mean an empty bag that needs a couple billion dollars in it.
When the four state-related schools (Pitt, Penn State, Temple and Lincoln) got a surprise $40 million gift from Governor Wolf this budget season, at least one guy running for governor thought it would be a nice idea for those schools to then freeze tuition. A week after Doug Mastriano made his suggestion, we now know the answer, which is “thank you, no, we won’t be doing that.”
Speaking of Mastriano, a new Fox News poll came out showing the state senator slipping a little further behind Attorney General Josh Shapiro, while Dr. Oz continues to trail John Fetterman in our marquee U.S. Senate race. While we have a hundred miles to go in these races, it is notable that somehow the Democrats are in the game at all while President Biden remains about as popular as a root canal in his home state. And everywhere else, really.
We send a shout-out to former Governor Mark Schweiker and his administration, who 20 years ago this week directed a miraculous effort to rescue the Quecreek Nine. Nine for nine, indeed, governor!
If you were on the Triad socials this week, you would know that our own unstoppable force, Megan Dapp, was named to the City and State “40 under 40” list. Yup. That’s right, people. That’s how we roll.
In our We Can’t Make This Up segment, we take you to New Mexico, where a new road sign that was meant to tell motorists how to get to Albuquerque, instead directed motorists to Albuqueque, which as far as we know does not exist. Or does it? And if it does, where did Albuquerque go? And just who in the hell named that joint in the first place? Probably the same dude who decided “Youghiogheny” was a great name for a river.
That’s what passes for news around here as we slide into the dog days of August and desperately look for crap to write about each Friday! Until next time, from all of us at Team Triad, have a great weekend!