September 27, 2024
We begin the Friday news-a-palooza by sending out good thoughts and strong prayers to all the folks in Hurricane Helene’s path. And good luck to all the brave electrical workers who will be battling violent weather so that 3 million people can once again have power.
In 1998, LL Cool J told us all about his upcoming travel plans, which included “goin’ back to Cali… Cali… Cali…” Well, next week, Donald Trump will be “goin’ back to Butler… Butler… Butler,” the place he almost lost his life the hands of a deranged gunman. Gotta say, the optics on that one are gonna be something to behold. Note to the Secret Service: just because a roof has a gentle slant does not mean you should ignore it.
Meanwhile, VP Kamala Harris was in Pittsburgh this week, laying out her economic vision for the country. She chose Pittsburgh because she and Tim Walz actually live there now, oddly enough. They’ve dispensed with the whole charade of California and Minnesota and bought adjoining condos down in the Strip District near the old Benkowitz fish market.
When Harris strolled off Air Force Two for that speech, she was greeted by local elected officials, including Allegheny County Executive Sara Innamorato, who spotted a lanternfly on the veep’s suit, smacked it to the ground and swiftly executed it with her shoe. And THAT is how western Pennsylvania rolls.
Speaking of western Pennsylvania, FEMA has named four NFL stadiums as shelters in the event of natural or man-made disasters, and Pittsburgh’s Acrisure Stadium made the cut. We find this to be very convenient, since there is a man-made disaster of a baseball team that resides just blocks away.
New York City Mayor Eric Adams found his a** in the jackpot this week, as Team Fed came down on him with corruption and bribery charges, shocking absolutely not one soul on this planet. In a day and age when partisans rally to the defense of anyone from their own party accused of anything under the sun, it was refreshing to see Democrats’ reaction range from “yeah, makes total sense” to “a-hahahahahahahaha!”
Mail-in ballots have started to hit mailboxes all over Pennsylvania, which signals that the horses are now coming out of the backstretch and heading toward the finish line. That means the end of the Saga of the 2024 Election is near, as much as it pains us to say. We don’t know what normal lives are anymore. WHAT ARE GONNA DO WITHOUT DAILY TRACKING POLLS???
Despite bipartisan support for raising the state’s anemic minimum wage, no one expects it to get done this fall. To be fair, you could have cut and pasted every article about minimum wage from the past 20 years, changed the names, and you’d be fine printing it. Think about it this way: the Pittsburgh Pirates have been in the playoffs more recently than the minimum wage has changed in Pennsylvania.
The state’s brand-new State Board of Higher Education met this week and kicked off the festivities with a stark warning for the Commonwealth’s roughly 72,000 colleges and universities. That message was, in a nutshell: there are too many of y’all, enrollment is falling, and costs are rising. Lotta work to do there.
Pennsylvania’s unemployment rate continues to sit at around 3.4%, while the Dow hit another all-time high this week. All of this is more evidence of the absolute dumpster fire of an economy we have here.
The March for Life came to Harrisburg this week, just as a new poll showed that almost 50% of Pennsylvania voters ranked abortion as one of their top concerns heading into November. So, for all the campaign gurus who wistfully keep believing Dobbs will not be that big of a deal at the polls this year, we have a warning: speaking things into existence is NOT a campaign strategy.
Philly Mayor Cherelle Parker outlined a new deal to keep the 76ers in her fine city, a $1.55 billion plan for an arena, neighborhood redevelopment, new housing and a pony for everyone. And all of it with no city money, which would be the first time a host city wasn’t on the hook for a new facility. Looks like the mayor just hit a fallback three-pointer and drew the foul.
Meanwhile, in the Steel City, some folks are losing their marbles over City Council’s $1 million pledge to assist with hosting the 2026 NFL draft, which would generate more than a hundred million clams for the city. Plus, what a party THAT thing is gonna be.
The Commonwealth Court issued a ruling that will require county election officers to notify voters of faulty ballots, thereby giving them a chance to cure said ballots. The other option, which some counties seemed to enjoy, was to throw the ballot in the garbage and say “too bad, so sad! No democracy for YOU today, fools!”
We send a big shout-out this week to our dear friends at the Pennsylvania College of Technology, who learned that their humble operation now ranks first in innovation and first for veteran students. Nicely done up there!
In our We Can’t Make This Up segment, we take you to Minnesota, where Drifter the Cat was rescued after being stuck in a sewer for eight weeks. When you think about it, sewers are famous for rats, which we have been told cats really enjoy eating. Sadly, once back home, the cat watched an hour of television and was so horrified by the campaign ads that it promptly went back into the sewer.
That’s what passes for news around here on this damp, rainy Friday. The House and Senate start the final run next week, so pull up a chair and let us give you the deets! From all your friends at Triad, have a great weekend!