February 20, 2026
It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you. You look great! Have you lost weight? Sorry we’ve been such poor correspondents, we promise we won’t let it happen again! Probably. Maybe.
We couldn’t open without a salute to the U.S. Olympic Women’s Hockey Team, who shocked the living daylights out of their Canadian rivals, taking the gold medal with a 2-1 overtime win. If the U.S. Men’s Team follows suit, Canada is gonna be so mad they might, like, cuss or something. Or fire off a strongly worded letter to someone. “We invented this game, eh!”
Across the pond in the Federal City, the U.S. Supreme Court this morning handed President Donald Trump an exceedingly rare “L,” and boy was it a doozy. In a 6-3 decision, the court ruled that the president can’t run around slapping tariffs on anything that moves without Congressional approval, and we’ve seen how effective those folks are at passing, well, anything. Unless you’ve been living in a shipping container eating beans from a can, you realize that tariffs are the underpinning to pretty much everything Trump does. We all know what this means, right?
That’s right, sports fans. It means Iran is about to take one right in the teeth. Told of the SCOTUS decision, Iran’s Ayatollah Khamenei responded, “WHAT THE HELL, ROBERTS?? THANKS FOR NOTHING!”
The worst avian flu outbreak in 50 years has already claimed the lives of nine million birds across the country, with Pennsylvania the clubhouse leader at just over seven million of that total. Expect poultry prices to jump as a result. Things go very badly at grocery stores across the nation if Pennsylvania isn’t giving everyone the birds.
Hot off the heels of Eli Lilly’s announcement of a new $3.1 billion plant in the Lehigh Valley, along comes Johnson and Johnson, who this week announced they will build a $1 billion plant in southeastern PA. Your move, Pfizer.
As lawmakers deal with a sizeable structural deficit, eyes have begun to turn to a recently passed law that gives tax abatements to data centers. There was a time way back in our history (like, two years ago, maybe) that officials were drooling over data centers and the jobs and economic impact they might bring along. Hence, the tax relief, which some say will cost the state upwards of $2 billion, although pinning down an accurate number here is a lot like nailing tapioca pudding to a wall.
A draft plan to close upwards of two dozen Philly school buildings was floated at Philadelphia City Council this week, and it was about as popular with that assembled crowd as the Dallas Cowboys. Dwindling enrollment has produced a whole lot of half-empty schools in the city, but even at half empty, you still gotta light, heat, and maintain the whole damn thing. So logically, you would wanna close and consolidate, but when it comes to schools, logic is rarely batting leadoff.
The passage of last year’s Big, Beautiful Bill (are we still calling it that?) will mean that about 144,000 Pennsylvanians will no longer receive SNAP benefits. For context, 144,000 people is larger than the entire population of Allentown, where they are closing all the factories down (kidding; see Eli Lilly, above.) Many of those same people will no longer have health insurance next year. So, to sum up: when these folks show up at the polls this year, don’t bother asking them why they are pissed off. Just get out of their way.
Earlier this week, the courts ruled that elected officials’ “conversations” with AI are largely protected against the state’s Right to Know Law. Which might just be a good thing, ya know? There are things in this life we are better off not knowing.
One of the big issues that dominated Governor Josh Shapiro’s budget address three weeks ago was the lack of affordable (or really any) housing in the state, and what he plans to do about it. The state senate this week started the process by hearing from housing advocates, and AI has summed up that hearing for us in one sentence: “There is no money and everything takes too damned long.” The first half of the preceding sentence can also be applicable to just about every problem the state currently has.
This week, we mourn the loss of civil rights icon and former Democratic candidate for President, the Reverend Jesse Jackson. If you grew up listening to Jackson’s speeches at Democratic conventions, you heard oratory beyond anything you hear in politics today. We can still hear, “Yale! Not jail!” and “Up with hope! Down with dope!” ringing in our ears. Godspeed, Reverend.
Our Triad Public Service Announcement consists of a comprehensive list of every Lenten fish fry in the Pittsburgh area. Fried fish and Jesus are an undefeated combo in western PA. You’re welcome, yinzers.
Over on PCN’s channels, our own Mike Manzo was a guest, pontificating about all things PA budget. Check it out here and you too can be the most budget-savvy nerd at the next party.
In our We Can’t Make This Up segment, we take you to Singapore, where a new, AI-powered Teddy Bear was pulled from the shelves after people realized it was telling children where to find guns and knives in the house, and even giving kids some very, shall we say, GRAPHIC advice on other topics. Essentially, Singapore made a real life. AI-powered Ted, or the equivalent of a drunken Teddy Ruxpin.
That’s what passes for news around here as we prepare for yet another weekend snowstorm that is slated to dump anywhere from an inch to two feet on your capital city. Pray for us. From all your friends at Triad, have a great weekend!