May 12, 2023
We start this week in Philadelphia, because the eyes of the world will be on it this weekend. First, Taylor Swift will take up residency at Lincoln Financial Field for three nights, leading one of our valued staffers to cash in all of his stock options to bring his daughter to the show. Being a Swifty ain’t cheap.
And with their excruciating Game 6 loss at home to the Celtics, the Sixers will try to wrap up the series in Boston this weekend. Should they fail, it is possible the city itself will slide off the eastern seaboard into the Atlantic.
Former President Donald Trump did a televised town hall meeting on CNN this week, causing progressives everywhere to melt down though the core of the earth. Anything short of the CNN host drawing and quartering Trump on live TV wasn’t gonna satisfy some of these folks, so the rest of us just did what we always do: ignore cable news and watch Law and Order: SVU reruns.
A report was released showing that voters in the 18-27 cohort voted in last year’s elections at a 30-year high, clocking in at 27% turnout. Perhaps the days of ignoring young voters with the certainty that they won’t vote anyway will not be a viable strategy moving forward.
With the COVID national emergency expiring this month (that was still a thing, apparently), national leaders have now turned to the task of preparing us for the NEXT pandemic. Can we, like, have a quick breather first? Do we have to trudge back into Mordor so fast? We just got our toilet paper supply back to normal, for crying out loud.
Over on Capitol Hill, the Biden administration and the House GOP are still staring at each other like MMA fighters at the promo shoot the night before a bout. Without pointing out the obvious fact that this is the single most pointless exercise that Congress engages in (and that’s saying something), can’t we all just agree that maybe they should have met sooner? It’s not like Speaker Kevin McCarthy didn’t threaten this course of action in JANUARY!
The state Senate passed a measure that will provide a little more security around when proposed ballot measures are set so that they do, in fact, end up on the ballot. This was a response to the kerfuffle that happened when the previous Department of State had temporary brain freeze and forgot to do exactly that.
Meanwhile, over in the Lower Chamber, nothing at all happened because both parties were busy pouring money into a special election that will decide control of the chamber, at least until the next set of ill-timed special elections.
The Senate also kicked the tires on a plan to allow canned cocktails to be sold in places other than state stores. Coming soon to the Triad Penthouse: Brysiak’s Bourbon cans to go! Perfect for Happy Hour or 10 a.m., when one of your valued clients steps in a pile of doo-doo.
Many states have begun to institute policies that will force third graders to repeat the grade if they are not proficient in English at the end of that school year. There may or may not be merit to this policy, but it occurs to us that many of us were still eating paste in second grade, so maybe we should tamp down on the expectations a bit, or provide a little latitude at the very least.
Senators Casey and Fetterman announced they have secured $12 million in federal cash for affordable housing in Pennsylvania. This is very good news, until you realize the scope of the need here. Although $12 million might take care of three neighborhoods in Pittsburgh, it ain’t gonna go very much farther than that.
Twitter is again in the news due to a recent change in verified accounts that could open political figures up to spoof accounts that look real. Of course, we all realize this is exactly what man-child Elon Musk wants. He’s probably creating ones for members of Congress that take you to web sites like “smellyfarthead.com” and laughing maniacally while he does so.
A big Triad shout out to our friend, Russ Redding, who is once again well on his way to being confirmed as head honcho at the Department of Agriculture! Great job, Russ!
We also salute and thank the 49 Pennsylvanians who were sworn in as state troopers this week. Best of luck to one and all.
This week on the Triad socials, we shared our breathlessly anticipated annual Impact Report, which you should go find immediately or shame on you for six weeks. We loved elevating so many voices last year, and we cannot wait to do it again! Oh wait, we already are!
Our We Can’t Make This Up segment takes us about eight miles north of Harrisburg, where a tractor-trailer overturned this morning, spilling thousands of avocados all over the highway and shutting it down for hours. The cleanup was hampered by a few dozen millennials scurrying around with wheat toast in their hands, trying to “help.”
That’s what passes for news around here as another weekend has arrived. Can you smell what’s in the air? That’s right, kids! Budget season! Buckle up, losers, we’re going to Harrisburg! From all your friends at Team Triad, have a great weekend!